A Hand in My Life: More than luck

I can't say exactly when I noticed it. My parents raised me to recognize what most people called "luck" as God's blessings. But in the past few months, I see my Jesus' hand everywhere. More than just the bigger, obvious things. But in the bad days, in the stress, in heartache; in everyday moments.

To be honest, this semester has been stressful, overwhelming and simply exhausting so far. Now, don't mistake me. I love college and learning. Being a sophomore is great. And I like the material in my classes. But the amount of work had been wearing me down. Thank goodness that's not where I'm stuck at. God's been working in my life. In the little things. In crazy ways.

Almost two weeks ago, I was so stressed out over my workload that I was almost to the point where I couldn't get anything done. I'd tried multiple times, over a couple of days, to give it to God, like I knew I needed to, but I couldn't get rid of that anxious feeling. At one point, I sat down with my computer, on my bed, to do some homework, and an ant craws across my hand. I slap it, disgusted. I really, really hate bugs. Then...there's another one. And another one. And soon I realize they're crawling around under my computer keys. Yes. I'll say it again.

Ants in my computer!!!

This ontop of the stress makes me almost freak out. I start asking--demanding almost in tears really--God, "Why? Why would you let this happen? What is going on?" And...strangely enough, I got this really weird and kind of disconcerting feeling that He was laughing at me. And then, I just knew what He was telling me. He said (not in an audible voice, but these are the paraphrased thoughts/words/concepts that popped into my head, thank you Holy Spirit) "I am so much bigger than ants in your computer. Than your homework. I've got you in my hand. Why are you stressing out?" After that, my stress was gone. And I'm still plugging through my assignments today. He has and is sustaining me. I killed about fourteen ants that afternoon. I don't know how they got in there, and I haven't seen any since. But it's a mark in my life, and a lesson from God, that I will cling to for a long time.

This isn't the only instance I've seen or felt God work lately. A moved meeting that I missed (God providing me time), His taking care of my dad, a passage of the Bible before a hard day... Little things that mean so much. I recently saw this photo on facebook:

And it is so true. With God, even a bad day is not that bad. He loves me enough to carry me through when I can't do it. And teach me even when I dig in my feet.

Many of the Paslmists reconize that God is in control. But even beyond that concept, God takes care of you. He loves you, He provides for you. If you ask Him to open your eyes to what He's doing, and look for it, it's amazing what you'll notice. Here's a few parting verses that remind me of how much God loves me. Please, think about where God is working in your life.

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:1-10

God is blessing you. Look for it.

Through Him alone,
Ericka

A Word to You Gentleman

You take some flack, teasing and resistance. You take the time to restrain yourselves and think before you speak.You consider others' feelings and go out of the way to show courtesy and respect.

Thank you.

I have been guilty of giving you a hard time. Maybe even taking a slight advantage... I'm sorry, it's wrong. As a sister in Christ I should be building you up instead of making things more difficult. I appreciate your efforts to be men of God in our distorted world. To stay pure and honorable. To show woman respect and save yourselves for the future.

Keep it up, brothers. I have so much respect for you. Your actions have more impact upon us girls than you will ever know. You really stand out from the crow.

Stay true, persevere.

Thank you.

God bless,
Ericka

Do It Yourself

"Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit are you now being perfected by the flesh? Did you suffer so many things in vain--if indeed it was in vain? Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law or by hearing with faith?" -Galatians 3:3-5 ESV

I have a love-hate relationship with this verse. I am an independent person. I like to do things by myself, figure things out by myself, and stand on my own two feet. I have a hard time relying on other people and I like to be in charge. Every time God brings this verse to my attention, which is more often than I like, it's like a slap over the head. I think I can do everything myself. Some of it is our culture's emphasis on independence and self-reliance, but most of it is me and my need to do things myself. Often times I approach my need to grow in Christ with the same attitude that I face life with. I want to fix things myself. I want to change myself. And I've tried it, I keep trying it. It doesn't work.

"Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Have you suffered so much for nothing--if it really was for nothing? Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?" -Galatians 3:3-5 NIV

It doesn't work because it's not meant to work. We can't pound out our lives. We can't become like Christ on our own. Not by our own strength anyway. This is a real battle for me, one that I constantly have to consciously fight. Part of surrendering my life to God is to trust him. To let go of my white-knuckled grip on the reigns of my life and to allow God to redirect it. He wants to reshape me, and he'll be with me the entire way. I have to lean on him and let him get me through it. Every day, every hour and more I have to remind myself to give God control and stop trying to fix myself. I can't do it alone. I don't have to do it alone. Thank goodness. What a relief. God is at my side, ready to take the stress of life and show me the way if I'd just let him. He surrounds me with godly people to uplift, encourage and straighten me out. Praise be to him! I'm ending this post by sharing a song I discovered a week ago that speaks to my heart on this subject.

By God's grace,
Ericka

Loving the Family

I am going to be posting my thoughts on a verse or passage either ever day, or every other day, for awhile. Maybe most of the summer. A friend of mine gave me the idea, and I think it's a great way to really meditate on scripture. So, it's mostly for me, but by posting my thoughts on a verse I'm reading, I'm setting up an accountability factor that I need. Here's the first one: 

"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing." -1 Peter 3:8-9

I haven't been home from college very long, one week today, but I already find myself falling back into my bad habits of treating my siblings in a way that isn't God-honoring. Most the time it is small things, little snarky comments, or snapping back when someone snaps at me. My patience and tolerance is pretty long with most people, but for some reason very short with my family. This verse speaks to me about my actions with my siblings. I find myself forgetting to look at them through God's love and instead expecting them to live up to what I know they're capable of, and know they should do, and that tends to irritate me. But instead, I should love them. I need to humble myself, set a good example (being the eldest, this is my lot in life), and encourage them to do better. It won't be easy, to break old habits, but with Yahweh's strength and the Holy Spirit's guidance, I can create new and more godly ones. I was called to love and bless everyone, especially my family, it's an important aspect of my life that I'm trying to get right with God. 

I Will Not Be Shaken

Winds pull and tug

The earth trembles and shakes

Sleet stings and soaks

I sway, I stumble

Scraped knees

Bleeding hands

Streaming tears

Crushed heart

I can’t stand alone

Not by myself

But with His help

I will not be shaken

Beaten, battered and bruised

Attacked and under fire

I’m standing firm

I will not be shaken

I refuse to lose my faith

I’m clinging to my hope

I’ll stand till my strength is gone

But it won’t last long

Agonizing pain steals my breath

Paralyzed, I cry for help

Overcome the foe

Open up the door

Shield my heart

Heal my wounds

Make me strong

Lift me up

They tear at my heart

And claw at my soul

Pressed to my knees

I still won’t be shaken

Doubts assault my walls

Worries bypass defenses

Questions shake confidence

I will not be shaken

Help me, LORD!

I’m trembling, shaking

My strength is weak

I’m on the urge of shattering

I will not be shaken

He holds my hand

I will not stand down

Victory is His

 I will not lose my faith

Or stumble to the ground

He stands beside me

Defender of the weak

I will not be shaken

I will not stand down

With the LORD’s help

I will hold my ground

-To God be the glory. Reminiscent of Psalm 62

The Conversation

I know this may be a girl thing, but I have suspicions that guys enjoy this as well; they just don’t talk about it like girls do. But, don’t you just love when you can have a good, long conversation with a close friend? Do you know what I’m talking about? Where you sit and listen to what’s going on in your friend’s life. The little things, the hard things, whatever comes up.  And then they do the same for you. You can talk about anything. It’s all comfortable. You know you’re safe. You know the other person cares and that you won’t be rejected or judged. It’s a great feeling. After a conversation like that, everything looks better.

I find myself missing out on this in my relationship with God. In our society, and culture, we’re constantly carrying on trivial conversations with each other. And we often need to have heart-to-hearts to keep ourselves sane. But, I don’t do this with God. Sure, I think about him, I try to pray to him. But it isn’t a conversation.

My grandma has a favorite saying she likes to rebuke us grandkids with when she thinks we’re being antisocial. She says, “Conversations is like a game of catch. You can’t hold onto it, you have to pass it back.” And she’s right, no matter how much that rubbed the wrong way when she offered it as advice. When you have a conversation, you share a little bit of yourself with someone who returns the gift. You give and you get. You learn and you teach. After talking with someone, you know them better than before.

Why don’t we talk with God? How are we supposed to know him if we don’t speak with him? How are we supposed to know what he’s like, and what his perspective on everything is, if we give him the cold shoulder? Now...there are several ways to carry on a conversation with God. He reveals himself to use through the beauty of his creation. His actual words in the Bible. And how the Holy Spirit works in us and in our daily circumstances.

Have you ever thought about luck? People attribute a lot of things to our friend Luck. Now, Luck has an evil twin, as I’m sure you’ve heard. So between him and his twin, they encompass just about everything good and bad random things that happen to us. Funny thing about that. Luck, doesn’t exist. Every good and perfect thing comes from our Lord. It’s not luck, it’s God. What about the bad? Well... Our world is fallen, bad is the sad, unnatural state of things at the moment, and will remain so until the day that our Savior returns. The little things that people commonly attribute to Luck, they’re really God’s work. If we would take notice, and give him the credit, we would see his hand in things so much more.

Now, back to the conversation. The hypothetical ball of our conversation with God rests in our hands. How do we pass it? How do we get it back? Praying is a funny thing. It’s associated with pleading and groveling to God. Now, I don’t mean that in a bad way... But when you pray you’re supposed to confess your sins, throw a couple of praises in, and make your petitions.  Now I’m generalizing, and I know that’s shallow, the truth is, that’s what my perspective loosely was about a year ago. I knew praying was serious, but it was also forced.

But, my perspective is being molded into something new. Prayer is you expressing yourself. It’s not something you have to do, it’s something you get to do (Yes Dad, I heard you all the times you gave me the have/get line). It’s explaining your joys, troubles, and turbulent emotions to someone who is always listening, always trustworthy, infinitely loving, and impossibly wise. Someone who wants to hear your thoughts. Who will listen to your requests. It’s a beautiful, instant access to someone who’s better than best and always knows what the right answer is. His answers aren’t usually words, but the little things that we tend to overlook. The verse we read that morning, a story someone tells, a small event that creates a ray of light. Often, I find after unburdening my heart, I find a sense of peace, a lifting of a weight. Amazingly similar to when I’ve had a talk with a friend (Coincidence? I think not).

My question is, why does it take trouble for us to realize we’ve dropped the conversation? We’re clutching the ball and watching the world instead of focusing on the glorious Savior who’s right in front of us. Only after he’s ‘hello-ed’ us a couple of times, and maybe snapped his finger in front of our unfocused gaze do we start and turn back to him. Why does it happen? Because of the forced feeling? Because we don’t look for responses? Why?

Perhaps we don’t concentrate? We’re too easily distracted, even by our own minds. But we can ask the Holy Spirit to help us with that. What excuse do we have? We have a flawless ear turned to our hearts, already knowing what’s inside of us, yet still loving. He’s right there, waiting for you to pass the ball. All you have to do is turn back to him.

So...I believe we’ve discovered I have a lot to say on this matter. And I think that’s enough for now. I may revisit this topic again in the near, or distant, future. But either way, I’d like to leave you with a challenge, and some verses: 

I want to pray continually. I wear a bracelet with ‘Yahweh’ inscribed on it, as a visual reminder of my God—in an effort to pray more. Yet, I still find myself forgetting about God during my day-to-day life. I don’t want to turn to him when I’m in trouble; I want to already be safe in his arms. I want peace and assurance so I can have inexpressible joy in my barely comprehensible salvation until I practically radiate his light.  Remember him. Talk to your Savior and Friend.

 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guards your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. “ –Philippians 4:4-7

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Focus

I have weak eyes. Not in the sense of vision, but my eye muscles are physically weak. It’s a type of convergence disorder where my eyes have trouble focusing together to form one image for my brain. When I was first diagnosed with this, I was often seeing two when I was reading or looking at things that were fairly close to me. To address the problem, I had to do about six months of eye therapy. This consisted of eye exercises to strengthen my eyes and train them to work together. After that, I could see fine, until college hit. After the first couple of months, I was experiencing the same symptoms and eye strain. It turns out that my eyes were being overworked and now I have to do eye therapy at least once a week or my eyes get tired and I struggle to focus what I'm seeing.

Focus is something that everyone struggles with. It’s your reasoning, your actions, your priorities and goals. Being in college, I’ve found that my focus is directed towards the path to preparing myself for a job and life. This translates into which classes I take, what activities I do, how much time I spend on homework, and when I go to bed.  Recently though, God has been working through my daily quiet times, messages I’ve heard at Church and Chapel (My university has chapel every school day; it’s awesome), and just through conversations with some of my close friends.  My focus needs to be shifted—trained.

My perspective on life is skewed and distorted. My focus is on my needs and wants—things like getting good grades and enough sleep to function, how I feel each day—nothing is wrong with these things, but they are often my focus. Paul’s words in Romans rocked me,

“For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race” –Romans 9:3

Paul loved so much, that he would give up his salvation for his fellow Jews. He loved like Christ did. As the Jesus commanded, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all you might. And love your neighbor as yourself.” My focus needs to change in response. I've been saved and redeemed from my sins. I’m called to live out my life for the glory of my Savior and to share the joy he’s given me. I’m called to be a servant-leader. My focus needs to be on God, then others. I need to leave my needs and desires in God’s hand, to trust that he will take care of them.

Just like I did, and do, have to do eye therapy to keep my focus, I also need to constantly check myself against the Bible. I need to train my perspective and build habits that moves my attention from me to those my life can impact.

Change to the glory of God.

~Ericka