Drifting Away

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I could attribute it to writer's block, and that might be partially true, but I won't. I could say I've been too busy, and it is true, but I don't think it's why. I haven't been able to get my thoughts in words that fit. I've had the thoughts, I've written them down, but nothing worth sharing for awhile. I shall hopefully be posting more often now. To get started, here's a poem I wrote recently.

As life moves through time
The dear ones drift away
Leaving you behind
You surround yourself
New people
Unknowns
Searching
Daring to hope
For another one
One with whom you can be yourself
Instead of the guarded soul
Soul of the public realm
Instead of that, you
No worrying about impressions
Confident
Safe
Knowing you’re loved
And don’t have to be perfect
Why are you leaving me?
Where are you going?
Gone
Hurt
Waves of sadness
Days of solitude
Shut off the heart
Lock up the soul
And go into auto-mode
Where you don’t have to open up
But just act like you should
So no one can see
See the mess
See you
Forgotten
Perhaps
You suffocate behind the mask
Stifle potential
Until you are the shell
Oh please no!
Don’t leave me here
Here to rot
Please still care for me
Come back
Share life
And love
And prayers
And hopes
Oh God, please keep them safe
And if You will, bring them back
Back into my life

"O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you." ~Psalm 38:9

Through God's grace and power,
Ericka

In Wonder of the Unknown

For hundreds of years the expanse above us, and what lies beyond, has captured human imaginations. We dreamed of flying, soaring through the clouds with the birds. Then we mastered flight, and the sense of wonder extended to the depths of space. A realm of nearly endless possibility to the humans mind that creates awe and inspiration in us. As far back as Babylon, we have account of humans trying to reach the sky. Now that we have, we’ve set our minds on the vastness of space.

Science fiction has grown from this dream. A dream to explore the unknown. A dream of abilities and things that are impossible in our reality. It’s much like a blank canvas for the imagination. Using what facts we have, a writer tries to conjure the possibilities of the future and different settings, or what things would be like on a different world without the same laws of nature.

 God is the original artist. He imagined our world, every intricate detail, and called it into existence. You don’t have to spend much time looking at our world to see its beautiful and elaborate features. Our Father then bestowed upon us a similar version of this ability. We can imagine and craft things with our own, a God-given talents.

That is what I love about sci-fi. It’s an expression of curiosity spurred by the wonder of God’s and man’s creativity. I love to imagine life on other worlds. The differences, the similarities. The good and the bad. And I think this stems from a hunger for the beauty of the redeemed creation. The perfect rightness that we lost in Eden. Science fiction stories show us that despite new environments and advances made by men, problems and evil are still there.

What we were meant for no longer exists in this world. In the depths of each of our beings, we’re not satisfied. We know there’s something better, we know we’re meant for more than this world. So we turn to other, fictional worlds to try and fill that hunger. But, in the future, when our LORD returns the wonder, awe and power will be amplified, while the evil and pain are washed away. That’s why I write science fiction. It’s a glimpse of the endless possibilities of eternity and a reminder of the fallen state of man.

“The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” Psalm 19:1

By God's mercy and grace,
Ericka

This Life: An OYAN Workshop Post

Last week, at the OYAN summer workshop, I got a 'Taste of Heaven' as one of my friends put it (Tiny Taste of Heaven). A God-centered, accepting community where I was taught and encouraged. Talking to others, and reading various posts of thoughts on it, the general consensus of those who attended seems to be that God's presences was strongly felt, along with a solid connection to other young, Christian writers. Now that we're back to the trials and somewhat dullness of day-to-day life, most of our reactions is to mourn.

I agree completely with the sentiment, but in the car today I heard a song I know--called This Life by Mercy Me--that reminded me of a different way of looking at things. We're commissioned to shine for Jesus in this world. The Holy Spirit equips us to do this. Also, our brothers and sisters in Christ should build us up, partner with us, and keep us accountable to God's word.

At the workshop, I think many of us got a strong taste of the beauty of a God-centered community and a pale idea of what eternity holds. It leaves us longing for more. But we have a job to do. As the song puts it:

"I don't have to stall 

I don't have to wait 

Don't have to bide my time 

Till I make my escape 

Cuz heaven's in my heart 

I won't settle for less 

I will lift Your name 

By the life I live 

Every moment is a chance to 

Let Your light break through"

 Let the experiences, the friendships and God's presence from last week encourage and empower you to jump headfirst into your everyday life and shine. This isn't easy. And Satan will do everything he can to stop you from doing that. Because a whole-hearted and passionate follower of Christ is a powerful thing.

So, take heart, stand strong and stand together, even if we're apart. We can change the world for our Lord, but we'll do so much more when we're spread across it, then congregated together. One day after the Lord's coming, we'll have a perpetual workshop where we can lavish in each other's company without any detraction. It will be thousands of times better than last week, or the previous workshop. But you have a piece of heaven in your heart now, let it fill you up and spill out into our world.

By God's grace,
Ericka

Broken Heart

Friday night, while exhausted and preparing to say farewell to so many friends after an amazing week, I came upon a cluster of OYANers in an oblong shape, sitting on the ground with heads bowed in prayer. Some of the people I needed to talk to were participating, so I stood there for a few minutes, watching and waiting. Somewhere in those moments, something inside of me began to ache. I sat down, unable to figure myself out while focusing on standing upright. It kept getting worse. A pain in my heart kept growing and as I rested on a small rock with my head bowed and eyes closed, I asked God ‘Why, why? What’s going on?’ Somehow I knew that the heartbreak crashing over me was from Him, I just had no clue whom it was for. I kept praying and crying, ignoring those around me in an attempt to understand what the Holy Spirit was trying to communicate to me.

One of my friends sat down next to me, and as I scooted closer to cry on her shoulder, things didn’t get better. But she let me cry, asking no questions, just offering companionship and support. When I finally recovered a bit, I couldn’t explain why I had broken down. Not that I was pushing her away, I simply still didn’t know what was going on.

At that point, being even more exhausted and emotional than I’d started with, I discovered that a friend of mine who I’d been praying for had just been saved. Halleluiah! My first thought after pure joy was to wonder if he’d been who I was intensely praying and hurting for... But the pain was still there, and it didn’t seem to quite fit, so I thanked God for the blessing and praised Him for his glory.

It was about then that an inkling of an idea flickered through my head. The answer surprised me, and I questioned whether it was really right. But as time passed, the notion only got stronger.

The level of comfort I’d reached so quickly while at the OYAN workshop, the lack of my self-consciousness that is usually so present, and the group of people who were pouring their hearts out to God, together... He was telling me something. Peeling back a hardened layer that covered my heart like a turtle shell. Showing me what trust really looks like and how safe I am in his arms—something I’ve been praying about for awhile.

This vision of His love has left my heart a little raw, but I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything. As I head back to normal life, I pray my heart stays a little more broken and my friends a little closer. But most importantly, that I rest in trust in my Father’s love in a deeper sense than ever before. 

Ever learning,
Ericka

A Word to You Gentleman

You take some flack, teasing and resistance. You take the time to restrain yourselves and think before you speak.You consider others' feelings and go out of the way to show courtesy and respect.

Thank you.

I have been guilty of giving you a hard time. Maybe even taking a slight advantage... I'm sorry, it's wrong. As a sister in Christ I should be building you up instead of making things more difficult. I appreciate your efforts to be men of God in our distorted world. To stay pure and honorable. To show woman respect and save yourselves for the future.

Keep it up, brothers. I have so much respect for you. Your actions have more impact upon us girls than you will ever know. You really stand out from the crow.

Stay true, persevere.

Thank you.

God bless,
Ericka

Shock

I just found out! I'm a published author!

Since...April 7th.

Wow. How'd that happen you wonder? Well, it's rather strange. On a whim--every now and then I get them...I think they're a God-thing; when I listen to them, crazy, but good, things happen--I submitted one of my poems to a young Christian writer's magazine that some of my friends started and I subscribe to. Though I mostly fail at reading it... I just save it to my computer. Fail...

Anyways, so I sent it to them, and told my friend that if it was published, I wanted to know. Mostly so I would actually be aware of the fact since I'm so far behind in reading them...

Today, I was asked to sign a couple of copies of the magazine issue with my poem in it. I went: WHAT?! I didn't know it was in there!  Yeah... I'm still kind of in shock.


Anyways, despite the mix up--you know who you are---I will recommend Kingdom Pen (kingdompen.org) as a great read for anyone who wants to write. It's free and put together by author's my age (and I'm published in it).

Now, I leave to try and make sense of this newness.

~Ericka

Love of You

Junior high girls can be a pain. Now, I love each one of them, and I know some awesome ones. As I have two sisters who went through that stage pretty recently (and thus, all their friends at the same time), I do have a bit of knowledge on the subject. Each girl is great, but when you have a bunch of junior high girls together...things can get ugly. Often they take every overlook, slight, or even friendly comment to heart as a personal insult. Girls of this age are usually insecure about who they are and are completely hung up on their perceived flaws. So every comment, look and action is taken to be someone purposely rubbing salt in their wounds. It breaks my heart what some of these girls put themselves through. They buy into lies about what they should look like, act like and be. They're battered by the world and often don't let anyone in. They hurt, and are convinced that they are alone and let their wounds fester. It seems that nothing you say to them can assure them that they are beautiful the way they are and that you, and God, truly care.

That is just an example of something I've seen a lot. Each one of us buys into some of Satan's lies. Whether it's you're not good enough, you can't do it, or you've messed up too much; he manipulates your fears and faults to paralyze you. It breaks my heart when people I care about go through tough times... But the worst to me is when they don't see the beauty God's created them with. Each and every one of you is an amazing person worth more than life to our great Jesus. Yes, we each have flaws. There are parts of me I hate, but I also know that God considers me precious and valuable. Everyone in this world is someone special whom God loves, and each one can become more beautiful as they grow in Christ. You have potential, to be perfect and do something amazing. This song describes in better words than I can what God can do with every aspect of you.

God can take your deepest fear and biggest flaw and turn them into something beautiful. God is in the business of changes lives by changing you. His love is unconditional. Think about it, there is nothing about you that God doesn't know about. He still loves you, he always will. Please, dwell on that and let it sink in.

"What then shall we say to these things?" If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:31-39

Have you ever thought about how God loves you? Take every love song you've ever heard, and multiply it by ten. You're not there yet. And God's love is perfect. He'll never let you down. He'll never let you go. He's not hiding any part of himself. He's not going to change. If you let yourself really muse about this...well, it's amazingly comforting and uplifting. You are so important to God! You don't have to do anything to earn his love, you had it even before you were born! Listen to this song and imagine it's God singing to you.

Isn't that amazing? The tip of the iceberg is breathtaking. And there is so much more for us to discover. Please, take some time today to remember God's love for you and let it change your life.

By God's grace,
Ericka