A Hand in My Life: More than luck

I can't say exactly when I noticed it. My parents raised me to recognize what most people called "luck" as God's blessings. But in the past few months, I see my Jesus' hand everywhere. More than just the bigger, obvious things. But in the bad days, in the stress, in heartache; in everyday moments.

To be honest, this semester has been stressful, overwhelming and simply exhausting so far. Now, don't mistake me. I love college and learning. Being a sophomore is great. And I like the material in my classes. But the amount of work had been wearing me down. Thank goodness that's not where I'm stuck at. God's been working in my life. In the little things. In crazy ways.

Almost two weeks ago, I was so stressed out over my workload that I was almost to the point where I couldn't get anything done. I'd tried multiple times, over a couple of days, to give it to God, like I knew I needed to, but I couldn't get rid of that anxious feeling. At one point, I sat down with my computer, on my bed, to do some homework, and an ant craws across my hand. I slap it, disgusted. I really, really hate bugs. Then...there's another one. And another one. And soon I realize they're crawling around under my computer keys. Yes. I'll say it again.

Ants in my computer!!!

This ontop of the stress makes me almost freak out. I start asking--demanding almost in tears really--God, "Why? Why would you let this happen? What is going on?" And...strangely enough, I got this really weird and kind of disconcerting feeling that He was laughing at me. And then, I just knew what He was telling me. He said (not in an audible voice, but these are the paraphrased thoughts/words/concepts that popped into my head, thank you Holy Spirit) "I am so much bigger than ants in your computer. Than your homework. I've got you in my hand. Why are you stressing out?" After that, my stress was gone. And I'm still plugging through my assignments today. He has and is sustaining me. I killed about fourteen ants that afternoon. I don't know how they got in there, and I haven't seen any since. But it's a mark in my life, and a lesson from God, that I will cling to for a long time.

This isn't the only instance I've seen or felt God work lately. A moved meeting that I missed (God providing me time), His taking care of my dad, a passage of the Bible before a hard day... Little things that mean so much. I recently saw this photo on facebook:

And it is so true. With God, even a bad day is not that bad. He loves me enough to carry me through when I can't do it. And teach me even when I dig in my feet.

Many of the Paslmists reconize that God is in control. But even beyond that concept, God takes care of you. He loves you, He provides for you. If you ask Him to open your eyes to what He's doing, and look for it, it's amazing what you'll notice. Here's a few parting verses that remind me of how much God loves me. Please, think about where God is working in your life.

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:1-10

God is blessing you. Look for it.

Through Him alone,
Ericka

Broken Heart

Friday night, while exhausted and preparing to say farewell to so many friends after an amazing week, I came upon a cluster of OYANers in an oblong shape, sitting on the ground with heads bowed in prayer. Some of the people I needed to talk to were participating, so I stood there for a few minutes, watching and waiting. Somewhere in those moments, something inside of me began to ache. I sat down, unable to figure myself out while focusing on standing upright. It kept getting worse. A pain in my heart kept growing and as I rested on a small rock with my head bowed and eyes closed, I asked God ‘Why, why? What’s going on?’ Somehow I knew that the heartbreak crashing over me was from Him, I just had no clue whom it was for. I kept praying and crying, ignoring those around me in an attempt to understand what the Holy Spirit was trying to communicate to me.

One of my friends sat down next to me, and as I scooted closer to cry on her shoulder, things didn’t get better. But she let me cry, asking no questions, just offering companionship and support. When I finally recovered a bit, I couldn’t explain why I had broken down. Not that I was pushing her away, I simply still didn’t know what was going on.

At that point, being even more exhausted and emotional than I’d started with, I discovered that a friend of mine who I’d been praying for had just been saved. Halleluiah! My first thought after pure joy was to wonder if he’d been who I was intensely praying and hurting for... But the pain was still there, and it didn’t seem to quite fit, so I thanked God for the blessing and praised Him for his glory.

It was about then that an inkling of an idea flickered through my head. The answer surprised me, and I questioned whether it was really right. But as time passed, the notion only got stronger.

The level of comfort I’d reached so quickly while at the OYAN workshop, the lack of my self-consciousness that is usually so present, and the group of people who were pouring their hearts out to God, together... He was telling me something. Peeling back a hardened layer that covered my heart like a turtle shell. Showing me what trust really looks like and how safe I am in his arms—something I’ve been praying about for awhile.

This vision of His love has left my heart a little raw, but I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything. As I head back to normal life, I pray my heart stays a little more broken and my friends a little closer. But most importantly, that I rest in trust in my Father’s love in a deeper sense than ever before. 

Ever learning,
Ericka

Shock

I just found out! I'm a published author!

Since...April 7th.

Wow. How'd that happen you wonder? Well, it's rather strange. On a whim--every now and then I get them...I think they're a God-thing; when I listen to them, crazy, but good, things happen--I submitted one of my poems to a young Christian writer's magazine that some of my friends started and I subscribe to. Though I mostly fail at reading it... I just save it to my computer. Fail...

Anyways, so I sent it to them, and told my friend that if it was published, I wanted to know. Mostly so I would actually be aware of the fact since I'm so far behind in reading them...

Today, I was asked to sign a couple of copies of the magazine issue with my poem in it. I went: WHAT?! I didn't know it was in there!  Yeah... I'm still kind of in shock.


Anyways, despite the mix up--you know who you are---I will recommend Kingdom Pen (kingdompen.org) as a great read for anyone who wants to write. It's free and put together by author's my age (and I'm published in it).

Now, I leave to try and make sense of this newness.

~Ericka