A Few of my Favorite Things

For my creative writing class I had to submit several polished poems. Here are my best three. I've posted a couple of them before, but they've been revised.

"All That is Gold"

Dreary days try to steal your fire, Dreamer

Cling to the beginning’s exhilaration

All that is gold is not all that glitters

Each moment the same, what seems like forever

The blurring seconds lose their animation

Dreary days try to steal your fire, Dreamer

You search in vain for your lost treasure

But nothing renews the fascination

All that is gold is not all that glitters

Hunt for the answer and become a seeker

You long for a little stimulation

Dreary days try to steal your fire, Dreamer

Take no heed of their ignorant yammer

They have lost all sense of expectation

All that is gold is not all that glitters

Don’t you dare listen to the disbeliever

Pursue your innate innovation

Dreary days try to steal your fire, Dreamer

All that is gold is not all that glitters

"Explore"

Brave-hearted seeker

Pass between the clashing rocks

Dare the vast green expanse,

To cross by sail and oar

           

Exploit the countercurrent,

Believe that the hidden might be

The legend gushing from Hades

Into the mysterious sea

Draw a map of thought into

The azure blue depths

That underwater river track

To probe the precious power

Charge the rushing water

Break free of the ebbing tide

Penetrate to the crucial details

Forever be anxious to discover

"Autumn Leaves"

Like ripening apples

That fade from green

To red, you anxiously rustle.

Twisting and trembling with

Excitement. Impatient to break free and

Dance away into the cloudy sky.

I was like you once

Eager to let go and be

Off on my own. But don’t long

Forever. Treasure what you already have

For you can never return to

What you left behind

Lina's Breakfast

I'm back from college for a few weeks now, and hoping to work on rewriting my novel. I should be posing more often for a little while.

This is a short story I wrote from a crazy prompt my professor gave me this semester. Enjoy!

Lina’s Breakfast

The dog jumped on her bed, startling her awake. “Get off!” Lina grumbled.

He responded with a whimper.

“Rick, get Piglet off me,” she growled, pushing back at the creature who was trying to shove his oversized body against her. Suddenly she slipped off the side of the bed as the Dane continued to push. She landed with a thump. “Richard!” She scrambled up and glared at the other side of the bed, which was conveniently empty.

She scowled, wondering where he went. After last night he should’ve at least had the decency to keep the dog away so she could sleep it.

Piglet stuffed his wet nose into her hand, whining with worry.

“What?” she snapped at the big black and white dog. “What’s your problem?”

He pressed closer against her, staring up at her with his baby-blue eyes.

Pushing him off the bed, she started to climb back into its warmth, muttering about the skittish Great Dane. She paused as she caught a whiff of bacon and coffee.

Her stomach growled. Was Rick making her breakfast? Frowning she grabbed a jacket and ran her fingers through her hair as she headed down the stairs. Piglet sulked behind her, sticking close with his tail tucked. She snorted at the pathetic dog.

“Rick, making me breakfast won’t be enough to make up for yesterday...” She froze in the doorway with her jacket half-zipped. Her heart began to race as she tried to comprehend what she was staring at.

A big red nose with oversized blue polka-dot shoes and a rainbow afro of insultingly bright hair stood in her kitchen, his painted expression beaming at her. He gripped a pan of bacon in one hand and a spatula in the other. “Good morning!”

A scream ripped from her throat as she leaped forward, snatching the ceramic vase on the table. “Get out!” she screeched, hurling it at the clown. It missed by a couple of inches and smashed against the refrigerator with a splintering crash.

He ducked behind the skillet, stumbling backwards over his colossal shoes and yelled as sizzling bacon grease streamed down his hand. “It’s not what you think!”

“Get out!” She grabbed the coffee pot and doused the bumbling intruder with the scalding black liquid.

“Yow! Mrs. Roberts, please! Rick let me in!”

She paused in the act of grabbing for another makeshift weapon. “What?”

He backed up a few steps, holding his gloved hands up in surrender and gulped. “Richard paid me.”

Crossing her arms, Lina gave the man in his sopping, bizarre get-up the fiercest glare she could muster. “For what?”

“To make you breakfast. That’s all.”

She scowled deeper at the man with ridiculous runny make-up in elementary school colors.

“I swear it!”

Stumbling forward a step as Piglet shoved his oversized nose into her leg, she dug her fingernails into her palms. “Get out. Now,” Lina growled.

The clown bobbed his head up and down and quickly waddled out the back door, his mop of hair mangled and dripping.

            As the door slammed shut behind him, Lina drew a shaky breath as she stared down at her trembling hands. Her heart still pounded as she reached down and patted the dog. “He’s not gonna get you, don’t worry, Piglet.”

            The dog peered up at her, tentatively wagged his tail, then trotted forward to sniff at the mess. Ceramic pieces sprinkled across the floor lying in the pool of coffee and splattered bacon grease. She shook her head. “That man...”

Stepping over the mess, she picked up the phone and dialed her husband’s number. He didn’t answer, which didn’t surprise her after what he’d pulled, but it was too early for him to have left for work yet. “Richard Roberts, if you don’t get home, clean up this mess and make me some coffee by the time I’m out of the shower, you’ll be sleeping in the garage till February.” After leaving the message she put the dog outside and made sure all the doors were locked before heading upstairs.

Lina squeezed her wet hair again with the damp towel then pulled it up into a ponytail and headed downstairs to check the situation.

The radio played the morning news and Piglet bounded over, greeting her with a woof, his rope-like tail wagging back and forth. She ruffled his black ears and peaked around the corner, not taking another chance at being surprised. Rick’s back was to her as he pushed the mop over her much cleaner wooden floor. On the table he’d arranged a bouquet of roses in a new vase, a plate with waffles and bacon, and her favorite mug filled with coffee.

Taking the mug, she swallowed some of the fresh coffee as Rick turned around. A large grin spread across his face, then faded under her frown. “Good morning, dear.”

She narrowed her eyes up at her juvenile husband and said nothing.

He walked over to her with repentant look in his gaze. “I had to prove to you that I was better than a clown.”

“Not by much,” she muttered.

Grinning, he pulled out the chair for her, “I know. Sorry for scaring you. But you really freaked Andy out.”

“Don’t care.” She took the seat. “He scared Piglet.”

“Everything scares Piglet.”

“I know.”

He sat in the chair next to her and gave her a remorseful look. “I’m sorry for standing you up on your birthday. I’m an idiot. I’ll never do it again.”

She averted her gaze into the mug and sighed with defeat. “You’d better not, or next time I’ll dump the coffee on you.”

“Yes, dear.”

He always got her with those big brown eyes.

Broken Christmas

This is one of the short stories I've written for my creative writing class this semester. I hope you enjoy it, and I should be posting more stuff soon. 

The sparkling glass ball twinkled in her trembling hand as she situated the ornament on one of the pine’s branches. With a soft sigh, she slowly turned and selected another delicate globe from the velvet-lined box on the hearth next to the flickering and crackling fireplace.  Its brilliant golden glow cast her boney hand in an even paler complexion. She rubbed her wrinkled fingertip against the cool glass of the ball and sighed. He’d given her this one for their thirty-fifth Christmas together, they’d had real tree then. The room had been filled with the sharp scent of pine. She longed for those days again. The days before this fake tree. Before this broken year. She hung the crimson-hued thirty-fifth ornament and stared at it, fighting the lump in her throat. 

Frank Sinatra’s rich voice serenaded her with a holiday song on her ancient record player, almost succeeding in drowning out the sounds of the others in the house. She’d told them to leave her while she placed her treasures on the tree and relived the memories. There were sixty-four fragile bulbs to grace her evergreen. One for each of their years together.

Pausing in her meticulous placement of the precious orbs, she strokes his picture on the mantel. “Merry Christmas, Dave,” she murmured, fighting the throbbing ache in her chest. They’d always adorned the tree together, reliving the highs and lows of each year. Alone now...she could only think of this year’s low.

“Mom.”

She turned to see her daughter had entered the room, holding a small present.

“I found this tucked in the closet. He left it for you.”

Her breath caught in her throat, and she unsteadily lowered herself onto the couch.

Sitting next to her mother, the younger woman placed the gift wrapped in red paper accented with golden trees in the elderly woman’s quivering hands.

Neither moved for awhile, just staring at the familiar-sized box.

Tears began to slip out of the corner of the grieving widow’s eyes. Her sixty-fifth ornament. 

A Hand in My Life: More than luck

I can't say exactly when I noticed it. My parents raised me to recognize what most people called "luck" as God's blessings. But in the past few months, I see my Jesus' hand everywhere. More than just the bigger, obvious things. But in the bad days, in the stress, in heartache; in everyday moments.

To be honest, this semester has been stressful, overwhelming and simply exhausting so far. Now, don't mistake me. I love college and learning. Being a sophomore is great. And I like the material in my classes. But the amount of work had been wearing me down. Thank goodness that's not where I'm stuck at. God's been working in my life. In the little things. In crazy ways.

Almost two weeks ago, I was so stressed out over my workload that I was almost to the point where I couldn't get anything done. I'd tried multiple times, over a couple of days, to give it to God, like I knew I needed to, but I couldn't get rid of that anxious feeling. At one point, I sat down with my computer, on my bed, to do some homework, and an ant craws across my hand. I slap it, disgusted. I really, really hate bugs. Then...there's another one. And another one. And soon I realize they're crawling around under my computer keys. Yes. I'll say it again.

Ants in my computer!!!

This ontop of the stress makes me almost freak out. I start asking--demanding almost in tears really--God, "Why? Why would you let this happen? What is going on?" And...strangely enough, I got this really weird and kind of disconcerting feeling that He was laughing at me. And then, I just knew what He was telling me. He said (not in an audible voice, but these are the paraphrased thoughts/words/concepts that popped into my head, thank you Holy Spirit) "I am so much bigger than ants in your computer. Than your homework. I've got you in my hand. Why are you stressing out?" After that, my stress was gone. And I'm still plugging through my assignments today. He has and is sustaining me. I killed about fourteen ants that afternoon. I don't know how they got in there, and I haven't seen any since. But it's a mark in my life, and a lesson from God, that I will cling to for a long time.

This isn't the only instance I've seen or felt God work lately. A moved meeting that I missed (God providing me time), His taking care of my dad, a passage of the Bible before a hard day... Little things that mean so much. I recently saw this photo on facebook:

And it is so true. With God, even a bad day is not that bad. He loves me enough to carry me through when I can't do it. And teach me even when I dig in my feet.

Many of the Paslmists reconize that God is in control. But even beyond that concept, God takes care of you. He loves you, He provides for you. If you ask Him to open your eyes to what He's doing, and look for it, it's amazing what you'll notice. Here's a few parting verses that remind me of how much God loves me. Please, think about where God is working in your life.

"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:1-10

God is blessing you. Look for it.

Through Him alone,
Ericka

Some Poetry

Instead of doing homework the other night, I reworked this blog's look. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Also, here are a couple of poems I wrote for my creative writing class.

“After Christmas”

Cold creeps upon us; it’s that time of year
The bells ring and shoppers begin to sing
The first snowflakes are welcomed with great cheer
Little children are practically dancing

The bursting joy of cheery Christmas bells
Laughter and smiles around the warm hearth
Will begin to melt and fade, I foretell
As people grow weary of frozen earth

The novelty of sledding and sweaters
Morphs to dreary days; sniffling noses
Things continue to become emptier
So terribly trapped within the houses

Don’t let dull days freeze curiosity
Cling to a little immaturity

"Nomophobia"

I can’t let go

It’s a part of me

It can’t leave my side

Not for a moment

The itch,

The urge

Thirty seconds pass

Time to check again

Still nothing

I’m being ignored

What’re they up to?

I’m out of the loop

A buzz! A ding!

Look! Look and see

Fingers fly, a reply is sent

Things are good for the moment

But... Bars disappearing

Power is failing

My heart is racing

And my dread rising

The battery flashes

Screen fades to black

I clutch it in desperation

At this horrid occasion

Disconnected

What if something happens?

Out of reach

I’m forgotten

I need my phone!

Drifting Away

Well, it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I could attribute it to writer's block, and that might be partially true, but I won't. I could say I've been too busy, and it is true, but I don't think it's why. I haven't been able to get my thoughts in words that fit. I've had the thoughts, I've written them down, but nothing worth sharing for awhile. I shall hopefully be posting more often now. To get started, here's a poem I wrote recently.

As life moves through time
The dear ones drift away
Leaving you behind
You surround yourself
New people
Unknowns
Searching
Daring to hope
For another one
One with whom you can be yourself
Instead of the guarded soul
Soul of the public realm
Instead of that, you
No worrying about impressions
Confident
Safe
Knowing you’re loved
And don’t have to be perfect
Why are you leaving me?
Where are you going?
Gone
Hurt
Waves of sadness
Days of solitude
Shut off the heart
Lock up the soul
And go into auto-mode
Where you don’t have to open up
But just act like you should
So no one can see
See the mess
See you
Forgotten
Perhaps
You suffocate behind the mask
Stifle potential
Until you are the shell
Oh please no!
Don’t leave me here
Here to rot
Please still care for me
Come back
Share life
And love
And prayers
And hopes
Oh God, please keep them safe
And if You will, bring them back
Back into my life

"O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you." ~Psalm 38:9

Through God's grace and power,
Ericka

In Wonder of the Unknown

For hundreds of years the expanse above us, and what lies beyond, has captured human imaginations. We dreamed of flying, soaring through the clouds with the birds. Then we mastered flight, and the sense of wonder extended to the depths of space. A realm of nearly endless possibility to the humans mind that creates awe and inspiration in us. As far back as Babylon, we have account of humans trying to reach the sky. Now that we have, we’ve set our minds on the vastness of space.

Science fiction has grown from this dream. A dream to explore the unknown. A dream of abilities and things that are impossible in our reality. It’s much like a blank canvas for the imagination. Using what facts we have, a writer tries to conjure the possibilities of the future and different settings, or what things would be like on a different world without the same laws of nature.

 God is the original artist. He imagined our world, every intricate detail, and called it into existence. You don’t have to spend much time looking at our world to see its beautiful and elaborate features. Our Father then bestowed upon us a similar version of this ability. We can imagine and craft things with our own, a God-given talents.

That is what I love about sci-fi. It’s an expression of curiosity spurred by the wonder of God’s and man’s creativity. I love to imagine life on other worlds. The differences, the similarities. The good and the bad. And I think this stems from a hunger for the beauty of the redeemed creation. The perfect rightness that we lost in Eden. Science fiction stories show us that despite new environments and advances made by men, problems and evil are still there.

What we were meant for no longer exists in this world. In the depths of each of our beings, we’re not satisfied. We know there’s something better, we know we’re meant for more than this world. So we turn to other, fictional worlds to try and fill that hunger. But, in the future, when our LORD returns the wonder, awe and power will be amplified, while the evil and pain are washed away. That’s why I write science fiction. It’s a glimpse of the endless possibilities of eternity and a reminder of the fallen state of man.

“The heavens declare the glory of God, the skies proclaim the work of his hands.” Psalm 19:1

By God's mercy and grace,
Ericka

This Life: An OYAN Workshop Post

Last week, at the OYAN summer workshop, I got a 'Taste of Heaven' as one of my friends put it (Tiny Taste of Heaven). A God-centered, accepting community where I was taught and encouraged. Talking to others, and reading various posts of thoughts on it, the general consensus of those who attended seems to be that God's presences was strongly felt, along with a solid connection to other young, Christian writers. Now that we're back to the trials and somewhat dullness of day-to-day life, most of our reactions is to mourn.

I agree completely with the sentiment, but in the car today I heard a song I know--called This Life by Mercy Me--that reminded me of a different way of looking at things. We're commissioned to shine for Jesus in this world. The Holy Spirit equips us to do this. Also, our brothers and sisters in Christ should build us up, partner with us, and keep us accountable to God's word.

At the workshop, I think many of us got a strong taste of the beauty of a God-centered community and a pale idea of what eternity holds. It leaves us longing for more. But we have a job to do. As the song puts it:

"I don't have to stall 

I don't have to wait 

Don't have to bide my time 

Till I make my escape 

Cuz heaven's in my heart 

I won't settle for less 

I will lift Your name 

By the life I live 

Every moment is a chance to 

Let Your light break through"

 Let the experiences, the friendships and God's presence from last week encourage and empower you to jump headfirst into your everyday life and shine. This isn't easy. And Satan will do everything he can to stop you from doing that. Because a whole-hearted and passionate follower of Christ is a powerful thing.

So, take heart, stand strong and stand together, even if we're apart. We can change the world for our Lord, but we'll do so much more when we're spread across it, then congregated together. One day after the Lord's coming, we'll have a perpetual workshop where we can lavish in each other's company without any detraction. It will be thousands of times better than last week, or the previous workshop. But you have a piece of heaven in your heart now, let it fill you up and spill out into our world.

By God's grace,
Ericka

Broken Heart

Friday night, while exhausted and preparing to say farewell to so many friends after an amazing week, I came upon a cluster of OYANers in an oblong shape, sitting on the ground with heads bowed in prayer. Some of the people I needed to talk to were participating, so I stood there for a few minutes, watching and waiting. Somewhere in those moments, something inside of me began to ache. I sat down, unable to figure myself out while focusing on standing upright. It kept getting worse. A pain in my heart kept growing and as I rested on a small rock with my head bowed and eyes closed, I asked God ‘Why, why? What’s going on?’ Somehow I knew that the heartbreak crashing over me was from Him, I just had no clue whom it was for. I kept praying and crying, ignoring those around me in an attempt to understand what the Holy Spirit was trying to communicate to me.

One of my friends sat down next to me, and as I scooted closer to cry on her shoulder, things didn’t get better. But she let me cry, asking no questions, just offering companionship and support. When I finally recovered a bit, I couldn’t explain why I had broken down. Not that I was pushing her away, I simply still didn’t know what was going on.

At that point, being even more exhausted and emotional than I’d started with, I discovered that a friend of mine who I’d been praying for had just been saved. Halleluiah! My first thought after pure joy was to wonder if he’d been who I was intensely praying and hurting for... But the pain was still there, and it didn’t seem to quite fit, so I thanked God for the blessing and praised Him for his glory.

It was about then that an inkling of an idea flickered through my head. The answer surprised me, and I questioned whether it was really right. But as time passed, the notion only got stronger.

The level of comfort I’d reached so quickly while at the OYAN workshop, the lack of my self-consciousness that is usually so present, and the group of people who were pouring their hearts out to God, together... He was telling me something. Peeling back a hardened layer that covered my heart like a turtle shell. Showing me what trust really looks like and how safe I am in his arms—something I’ve been praying about for awhile.

This vision of His love has left my heart a little raw, but I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything. As I head back to normal life, I pray my heart stays a little more broken and my friends a little closer. But most importantly, that I rest in trust in my Father’s love in a deeper sense than ever before. 

Ever learning,
Ericka

A Word to You Gentleman

You take some flack, teasing and resistance. You take the time to restrain yourselves and think before you speak.You consider others' feelings and go out of the way to show courtesy and respect.

Thank you.

I have been guilty of giving you a hard time. Maybe even taking a slight advantage... I'm sorry, it's wrong. As a sister in Christ I should be building you up instead of making things more difficult. I appreciate your efforts to be men of God in our distorted world. To stay pure and honorable. To show woman respect and save yourselves for the future.

Keep it up, brothers. I have so much respect for you. Your actions have more impact upon us girls than you will ever know. You really stand out from the crow.

Stay true, persevere.

Thank you.

God bless,
Ericka

Shock

I just found out! I'm a published author!

Since...April 7th.

Wow. How'd that happen you wonder? Well, it's rather strange. On a whim--every now and then I get them...I think they're a God-thing; when I listen to them, crazy, but good, things happen--I submitted one of my poems to a young Christian writer's magazine that some of my friends started and I subscribe to. Though I mostly fail at reading it... I just save it to my computer. Fail...

Anyways, so I sent it to them, and told my friend that if it was published, I wanted to know. Mostly so I would actually be aware of the fact since I'm so far behind in reading them...

Today, I was asked to sign a couple of copies of the magazine issue with my poem in it. I went: WHAT?! I didn't know it was in there!  Yeah... I'm still kind of in shock.


Anyways, despite the mix up--you know who you are---I will recommend Kingdom Pen (kingdompen.org) as a great read for anyone who wants to write. It's free and put together by author's my age (and I'm published in it).

Now, I leave to try and make sense of this newness.

~Ericka

Love of You

Junior high girls can be a pain. Now, I love each one of them, and I know some awesome ones. As I have two sisters who went through that stage pretty recently (and thus, all their friends at the same time), I do have a bit of knowledge on the subject. Each girl is great, but when you have a bunch of junior high girls together...things can get ugly. Often they take every overlook, slight, or even friendly comment to heart as a personal insult. Girls of this age are usually insecure about who they are and are completely hung up on their perceived flaws. So every comment, look and action is taken to be someone purposely rubbing salt in their wounds. It breaks my heart what some of these girls put themselves through. They buy into lies about what they should look like, act like and be. They're battered by the world and often don't let anyone in. They hurt, and are convinced that they are alone and let their wounds fester. It seems that nothing you say to them can assure them that they are beautiful the way they are and that you, and God, truly care.

That is just an example of something I've seen a lot. Each one of us buys into some of Satan's lies. Whether it's you're not good enough, you can't do it, or you've messed up too much; he manipulates your fears and faults to paralyze you. It breaks my heart when people I care about go through tough times... But the worst to me is when they don't see the beauty God's created them with. Each and every one of you is an amazing person worth more than life to our great Jesus. Yes, we each have flaws. There are parts of me I hate, but I also know that God considers me precious and valuable. Everyone in this world is someone special whom God loves, and each one can become more beautiful as they grow in Christ. You have potential, to be perfect and do something amazing. This song describes in better words than I can what God can do with every aspect of you.

God can take your deepest fear and biggest flaw and turn them into something beautiful. God is in the business of changes lives by changing you. His love is unconditional. Think about it, there is nothing about you that God doesn't know about. He still loves you, he always will. Please, dwell on that and let it sink in.

"What then shall we say to these things?" If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:31-39

Have you ever thought about how God loves you? Take every love song you've ever heard, and multiply it by ten. You're not there yet. And God's love is perfect. He'll never let you down. He'll never let you go. He's not hiding any part of himself. He's not going to change. If you let yourself really muse about this...well, it's amazingly comforting and uplifting. You are so important to God! You don't have to do anything to earn his love, you had it even before you were born! Listen to this song and imagine it's God singing to you.

Isn't that amazing? The tip of the iceberg is breathtaking. And there is so much more for us to discover. Please, take some time today to remember God's love for you and let it change your life.

By God's grace,
Ericka

Pure Joy?

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you met trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." -James 1:2-3

James must have been one godly man. I mean...even just in reading that verse I'm in awe of his attitude, perspective, and boldness to even tell believers do do that. Pure joy in trials. Even though I've heard the idea many times before, my brain just turned on the brakes and screeched to a halt. What? Joy in suffering? Who would say such a thing? How can you even do that?
I mean, come on... Nobody likes real pain. Emotional or physical. I recently had a surgery, and trust me, it's been no joy. But, read the verse again. I don't think James is saying we have to find joy in pain. He's just giving you perspective. A look beyond the suffering. Not joy in pain, but joy because we have reason to withstand it. Joy because we have hope to grow and be strengthened, and an assurance of a better future. We can bear pain with a joyful spirit because we know there is more and we know God will use it. A mindset based upon the expectation of an amazing eternity cuts the trials of now down in size. It's hard to remember to look at things that way, but when you can, it's absolutely worth it.

A Month of Writing

I've been working on my novel lately. Total shocker, right? It's working title is Assassin. I absolutely love it, and writing, but I have a problem. I'm not even half-way through the rough draft yet, and the OYAN Summer Workshop (a writing workshop for anyone who doesn't know) is a month away. I've set a goal to finish the story by then. It'll be the most I've ever written in that sort of time frame and I'll honestly be pretty shocked if I do it. But I'm going to try, and I will appreciate any encouragement, pestering, or the like to help me get through it.

Not Alone

"Resist [the devil], standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." -1 Peter 5:9

We all struggle. We all fail. We all suffer. One of the many lies that I've seen, and experienced, is that when you're deeply struggling with something, that you are alone in it. I tend to think that I'm the only one with my particular problem so I dig in and try to fight it out alone. But, I've discovered that there are often people around me who have been through the same thing, or are even going through the same thing. What a relief. Let that comfort you. You're not the only one; I'm not the only one. God can work through the people around me to encourage and strengthen me. I've been built up and helped along by dear friends who understand what I'm going through. Don't listen to the Devil's lie that you're alone. Turn to God, and then his people, for strength, love and grace.

Do It Yourself

"Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit are you now being perfected by the flesh? Did you suffer so many things in vain--if indeed it was in vain? Does he who supplies the Spirit to you and works miracles among you do so by works of the law or by hearing with faith?" -Galatians 3:3-5 ESV

I have a love-hate relationship with this verse. I am an independent person. I like to do things by myself, figure things out by myself, and stand on my own two feet. I have a hard time relying on other people and I like to be in charge. Every time God brings this verse to my attention, which is more often than I like, it's like a slap over the head. I think I can do everything myself. Some of it is our culture's emphasis on independence and self-reliance, but most of it is me and my need to do things myself. Often times I approach my need to grow in Christ with the same attitude that I face life with. I want to fix things myself. I want to change myself. And I've tried it, I keep trying it. It doesn't work.

"Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Have you suffered so much for nothing--if it really was for nothing? Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?" -Galatians 3:3-5 NIV

It doesn't work because it's not meant to work. We can't pound out our lives. We can't become like Christ on our own. Not by our own strength anyway. This is a real battle for me, one that I constantly have to consciously fight. Part of surrendering my life to God is to trust him. To let go of my white-knuckled grip on the reigns of my life and to allow God to redirect it. He wants to reshape me, and he'll be with me the entire way. I have to lean on him and let him get me through it. Every day, every hour and more I have to remind myself to give God control and stop trying to fix myself. I can't do it alone. I don't have to do it alone. Thank goodness. What a relief. God is at my side, ready to take the stress of life and show me the way if I'd just let him. He surrounds me with godly people to uplift, encourage and straighten me out. Praise be to him! I'm ending this post by sharing a song I discovered a week ago that speaks to my heart on this subject.

By God's grace,
Ericka

Beyond Great

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men." -1 Corinthians 1:25

You don't normally think of God as foolish or weak, that's why this verse popped out at me. Even at God's worst, which I don't think really exists, he is infinitely stronger and wiser than us. The bigness of God is beyond me. This last year I took Calculus I and II, to be honest, it was a tough course, and the hardest parts dealt with infinity. It was mind blowing the rules and things that went with infinity. My brain would hurt after class and homework. But really... The mathematical concept of infinity is nothing compared to God's unending strength, love, wisdom and grace.

Also, I took a class called 'Christian Life and Thought' last semester. It was sort of a slightly more in-depth than a Sunday school class overview of the Bible. At one point we talked about God's foreknowledge and the problem of evil. We concluded that God knew every single world he could have created (there are infinite possibilities) and since he is beyond wise, he knows the best way to achieve the best possible world. Since he wants what is best, and knows what is best, our world must be apart of the best possible way to reach the best possible world.
I find that amazing, and so comforting. As a writer I like to imagine other possible worlds, both better and worse than ours. But God, he knows them all, and he has a plan that will end with the most perfect world of all. Something I can't even conceive.

Loving the Family

I am going to be posting my thoughts on a verse or passage either ever day, or every other day, for awhile. Maybe most of the summer. A friend of mine gave me the idea, and I think it's a great way to really meditate on scripture. So, it's mostly for me, but by posting my thoughts on a verse I'm reading, I'm setting up an accountability factor that I need. Here's the first one: 

"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing." -1 Peter 3:8-9

I haven't been home from college very long, one week today, but I already find myself falling back into my bad habits of treating my siblings in a way that isn't God-honoring. Most the time it is small things, little snarky comments, or snapping back when someone snaps at me. My patience and tolerance is pretty long with most people, but for some reason very short with my family. This verse speaks to me about my actions with my siblings. I find myself forgetting to look at them through God's love and instead expecting them to live up to what I know they're capable of, and know they should do, and that tends to irritate me. But instead, I should love them. I need to humble myself, set a good example (being the eldest, this is my lot in life), and encourage them to do better. It won't be easy, to break old habits, but with Yahweh's strength and the Holy Spirit's guidance, I can create new and more godly ones. I was called to love and bless everyone, especially my family, it's an important aspect of my life that I'm trying to get right with God. 

Triumphant

Well, I did it. I survived my first year of college.

And I can't believe it's already been a year. It seems like just yesterday I showed up on campus, so clueless in the face of so many unknowns, and now I'm leaving a veteran, a sophomore. I've learned a lot. And not only academically, but also about life and my relationship with God and others. I'm not the same person I was this time last year.

What a bittersweet moment. The stress and pressure are gone, evaporated as things are completed. And now, I have a few days to rest and recuperate before throwing myself into my many summer plans and goals. But I'll miss the people who I've spent the past nine months with.

It's scary how fast time passes. Even when the days seem long and somewhat monotonous, time is racing by. Treasure your moments. Live in the now, with a perspective set on eternity. Don't let your past control you or your future monopolize your energy. Live for others, by God's strength, to make a difference and let the almighty Lord take care of everything else.

Use your time wisely, cause it's gone in the blink of an eye.

I Will Not Be Shaken

Winds pull and tug

The earth trembles and shakes

Sleet stings and soaks

I sway, I stumble

Scraped knees

Bleeding hands

Streaming tears

Crushed heart

I can’t stand alone

Not by myself

But with His help

I will not be shaken

Beaten, battered and bruised

Attacked and under fire

I’m standing firm

I will not be shaken

I refuse to lose my faith

I’m clinging to my hope

I’ll stand till my strength is gone

But it won’t last long

Agonizing pain steals my breath

Paralyzed, I cry for help

Overcome the foe

Open up the door

Shield my heart

Heal my wounds

Make me strong

Lift me up

They tear at my heart

And claw at my soul

Pressed to my knees

I still won’t be shaken

Doubts assault my walls

Worries bypass defenses

Questions shake confidence

I will not be shaken

Help me, LORD!

I’m trembling, shaking

My strength is weak

I’m on the urge of shattering

I will not be shaken

He holds my hand

I will not stand down

Victory is His

 I will not lose my faith

Or stumble to the ground

He stands beside me

Defender of the weak

I will not be shaken

I will not stand down

With the LORD’s help

I will hold my ground

-To God be the glory. Reminiscent of Psalm 62

The Conversation

I know this may be a girl thing, but I have suspicions that guys enjoy this as well; they just don’t talk about it like girls do. But, don’t you just love when you can have a good, long conversation with a close friend? Do you know what I’m talking about? Where you sit and listen to what’s going on in your friend’s life. The little things, the hard things, whatever comes up.  And then they do the same for you. You can talk about anything. It’s all comfortable. You know you’re safe. You know the other person cares and that you won’t be rejected or judged. It’s a great feeling. After a conversation like that, everything looks better.

I find myself missing out on this in my relationship with God. In our society, and culture, we’re constantly carrying on trivial conversations with each other. And we often need to have heart-to-hearts to keep ourselves sane. But, I don’t do this with God. Sure, I think about him, I try to pray to him. But it isn’t a conversation.

My grandma has a favorite saying she likes to rebuke us grandkids with when she thinks we’re being antisocial. She says, “Conversations is like a game of catch. You can’t hold onto it, you have to pass it back.” And she’s right, no matter how much that rubbed the wrong way when she offered it as advice. When you have a conversation, you share a little bit of yourself with someone who returns the gift. You give and you get. You learn and you teach. After talking with someone, you know them better than before.

Why don’t we talk with God? How are we supposed to know him if we don’t speak with him? How are we supposed to know what he’s like, and what his perspective on everything is, if we give him the cold shoulder? Now...there are several ways to carry on a conversation with God. He reveals himself to use through the beauty of his creation. His actual words in the Bible. And how the Holy Spirit works in us and in our daily circumstances.

Have you ever thought about luck? People attribute a lot of things to our friend Luck. Now, Luck has an evil twin, as I’m sure you’ve heard. So between him and his twin, they encompass just about everything good and bad random things that happen to us. Funny thing about that. Luck, doesn’t exist. Every good and perfect thing comes from our Lord. It’s not luck, it’s God. What about the bad? Well... Our world is fallen, bad is the sad, unnatural state of things at the moment, and will remain so until the day that our Savior returns. The little things that people commonly attribute to Luck, they’re really God’s work. If we would take notice, and give him the credit, we would see his hand in things so much more.

Now, back to the conversation. The hypothetical ball of our conversation with God rests in our hands. How do we pass it? How do we get it back? Praying is a funny thing. It’s associated with pleading and groveling to God. Now, I don’t mean that in a bad way... But when you pray you’re supposed to confess your sins, throw a couple of praises in, and make your petitions.  Now I’m generalizing, and I know that’s shallow, the truth is, that’s what my perspective loosely was about a year ago. I knew praying was serious, but it was also forced.

But, my perspective is being molded into something new. Prayer is you expressing yourself. It’s not something you have to do, it’s something you get to do (Yes Dad, I heard you all the times you gave me the have/get line). It’s explaining your joys, troubles, and turbulent emotions to someone who is always listening, always trustworthy, infinitely loving, and impossibly wise. Someone who wants to hear your thoughts. Who will listen to your requests. It’s a beautiful, instant access to someone who’s better than best and always knows what the right answer is. His answers aren’t usually words, but the little things that we tend to overlook. The verse we read that morning, a story someone tells, a small event that creates a ray of light. Often, I find after unburdening my heart, I find a sense of peace, a lifting of a weight. Amazingly similar to when I’ve had a talk with a friend (Coincidence? I think not).

My question is, why does it take trouble for us to realize we’ve dropped the conversation? We’re clutching the ball and watching the world instead of focusing on the glorious Savior who’s right in front of us. Only after he’s ‘hello-ed’ us a couple of times, and maybe snapped his finger in front of our unfocused gaze do we start and turn back to him. Why does it happen? Because of the forced feeling? Because we don’t look for responses? Why?

Perhaps we don’t concentrate? We’re too easily distracted, even by our own minds. But we can ask the Holy Spirit to help us with that. What excuse do we have? We have a flawless ear turned to our hearts, already knowing what’s inside of us, yet still loving. He’s right there, waiting for you to pass the ball. All you have to do is turn back to him.

So...I believe we’ve discovered I have a lot to say on this matter. And I think that’s enough for now. I may revisit this topic again in the near, or distant, future. But either way, I’d like to leave you with a challenge, and some verses: 

I want to pray continually. I wear a bracelet with ‘Yahweh’ inscribed on it, as a visual reminder of my God—in an effort to pray more. Yet, I still find myself forgetting about God during my day-to-day life. I don’t want to turn to him when I’m in trouble; I want to already be safe in his arms. I want peace and assurance so I can have inexpressible joy in my barely comprehensible salvation until I practically radiate his light.  Remember him. Talk to your Savior and Friend.

 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guards your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. “ –Philippians 4:4-7

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Focus

I have weak eyes. Not in the sense of vision, but my eye muscles are physically weak. It’s a type of convergence disorder where my eyes have trouble focusing together to form one image for my brain. When I was first diagnosed with this, I was often seeing two when I was reading or looking at things that were fairly close to me. To address the problem, I had to do about six months of eye therapy. This consisted of eye exercises to strengthen my eyes and train them to work together. After that, I could see fine, until college hit. After the first couple of months, I was experiencing the same symptoms and eye strain. It turns out that my eyes were being overworked and now I have to do eye therapy at least once a week or my eyes get tired and I struggle to focus what I'm seeing.

Focus is something that everyone struggles with. It’s your reasoning, your actions, your priorities and goals. Being in college, I’ve found that my focus is directed towards the path to preparing myself for a job and life. This translates into which classes I take, what activities I do, how much time I spend on homework, and when I go to bed.  Recently though, God has been working through my daily quiet times, messages I’ve heard at Church and Chapel (My university has chapel every school day; it’s awesome), and just through conversations with some of my close friends.  My focus needs to be shifted—trained.

My perspective on life is skewed and distorted. My focus is on my needs and wants—things like getting good grades and enough sleep to function, how I feel each day—nothing is wrong with these things, but they are often my focus. Paul’s words in Romans rocked me,

“For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, those of my own race” –Romans 9:3

Paul loved so much, that he would give up his salvation for his fellow Jews. He loved like Christ did. As the Jesus commanded, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all you might. And love your neighbor as yourself.” My focus needs to change in response. I've been saved and redeemed from my sins. I’m called to live out my life for the glory of my Savior and to share the joy he’s given me. I’m called to be a servant-leader. My focus needs to be on God, then others. I need to leave my needs and desires in God’s hand, to trust that he will take care of them.

Just like I did, and do, have to do eye therapy to keep my focus, I also need to constantly check myself against the Bible. I need to train my perspective and build habits that moves my attention from me to those my life can impact.

Change to the glory of God.

~Ericka

Introductions...

Well... My first blog. Why do I have a blog? This is interesting. I want to have a place to put all the stuff jumbled in my head out there. But I don't really want anyone to read it. Hm...
Well, a few things you should know if you're going to read my blog:
A) I promise not to talk about the same thing more than thrice
2. I may use some humor
III I haven't read very many blogs. So... I suppose I could read yours, but I don't have all that much time being in college and such
Four, I love to write. Period, end of story.
Am I bugging you yet?
Nice to meet you, welcome to my blog. I may change stuff around a lot.

A Daughter of the King,
Ericka